Don't Wait for the Exit Interview to Get Curious

Something strange happens when a great employee resigns.

Managers suddenly become incredibly curious.

Why are you leaving? Is there something we could have done differently? Were you unhappy? Did you feel like you had opportunities to grow? How was your relationship with your manager? What would have made your experience better?

Those are excellent questions.

The timing could use some work.

By the time an employee is sitting in an exit interview, they've probably already accepted another job, mentally rearranged their life, told their family and friends, and begun imagining themselves somewhere else.

We're gathering useful information at the precise moment when it's least likely to help us retain that person.

What if we asked better questions while their answers could still make a difference?

Have the Stay Conversation Before the Exit Conversation

There's a management practice sometimes called a "stay interview." I like the idea more than the name. Scheduling a meeting titled STAY INTERVIEW might cause the employee to wonder what exactly you know that they don't.

It doesn't need to be formal.

It's simply a conversation with someone you value about their experience working on your team.

What part of your job are you enjoying most right now?

What's frustrating you?

What would you like to be doing more of?

What would you like to learn next?

What would make working here better?

And here's one managers may be reluctant to ask:

What could make you consider leaving someday?

That question isn't inviting someone to leave. It's inviting them to tell you something you may eventually wish you had known.

The Hardest Part Is Listening

Asking the question isn't the difficult part.

Listening to the answer can be.

Suppose an employee tells you they're frustrated by how decisions get made. Your instinct may be to explain the process.

They say they don't feel like they're receiving enough feedback. You remember three conversations that felt like feedback to you.

They tell you they don't see a clear path for growth. You begin listing all the opportunities the organization provides.

Now the stay conversation has become a courtroom and you're defending the company.

Resist that instinct.

When someone tells you that something is frustrating, you don't have to agree that it should be frustrating. You're learning how that person experiences it.

That's information.

Get curious before getting defensive.

Ask a follow-up question. Make sure you understand. Find out what's underneath the answer.

You won't be able to fix everything an employee identifies. That's not the goal.

The goal is to know.

Don't Make People Resign Before You Tell Them They're Valuable

There's another strange phenomenon that happens after a resignation.

Managers become wonderfully articulate about the employee's value.

"You're incredibly important to this team."

"We see so much potential in you."

"We really see you as part of our future."

"We'd love to give you more responsibility."

"Maybe there's something we can do with compensation."

Imagine hearing those things after spending the previous year wondering whether anyone noticed.

If those statements are true when someone resigns, they were probably true six months earlier.

Say them then.

Better yet, demonstrate them.

Give people meaningful opportunities. Recognize specific contributions. Ask about their future. Give them feedback. Help remove obstacles. Trust them with responsibility and the authority to handle it.

Have the career conversation before a recruiter does.

Ask While the Answer Can Still Help

Pick one person you would really hate to lose.

Not necessarily your favorite employee. Think about the person whose resignation would make you stare at the ceiling at 2:13 in the morning wondering how you're going to replace them.

Find 30 minutes.

Then get curious.

You don't need a script with 17 questions. Start with a few that matter:

What are you enjoying most right now?

What's frustrating you?

What do you want to learn next?

Where would you like your career to go?

What could make your experience here better?

Then listen.

You may hear something encouraging.

You may hear something uncomfortable.

Both are better than hearing, "I've accepted another opportunity."

Managers shouldn't wait until the exit interview to become interested in why great employees stay or leave.